Adventures in Babysitting
by Foibles and Fables
Summary: When Lexie and Meredith have dinner plans and Derek is at the hospital, the Shepherd children are left in the care of Uncle Mark. It's a learning experience for him, to say the least.
1. Separation Anxiety

**My brain conjured up this story while on cold medication yesterday. Even though the original was a bit loopier, I decided that I really liked it. This will be multi-chaptered, planned as of right now to contain about three. This is also obviously a future fic, but I'm just going to leave much to your imaginations! Most of this is based on true stories, either of my own or of friends of mine.**

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is the property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC. This writing is for entertainment purposes only and is not for profit.**

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"Can you tell me again why I agreed to do this?" Mark Sloan asked his wife as they walked up the path to the front door of the Shepherd household. He shoved his hands into his pockets, obviously self-conscious but not wanting to let it show.

Lexie sighed and answered without hesitation, reminding him for the millionth time. "Because Derek is at the hospital, and this is the only night Meredith and I are both free to go out for dinner." She paused, glancing up at him and raising her eyebrows, never losing a step. "And because you love your niece and nephew. And you love me." She smiled sweetly, bumping her arm into his.

Mark remained silent. He couldn't argue with that.

Still, he wasn't completely happy about being roped into babysitting Meredith and Derek's son and daughter for the night. He loved the kids, that fact was for sure, but he was more nervous than anything. He didn't have much experience with children. He knew how they operated and what they generally liked to do, but knowledge was nothing without application. For days, his mind had been replaying a scene in which he lost one of the children or he did something to make them hate him.

Mark and Lexie reached the porch and stood before the large, ornate door. Lexie half-laughed at the tense expression on his face, at the way his blue eyes were wide and mouth pulled taut. "Relax," she said soothingly, gripping his arm. "You'll be fine. I promise. It's only for a few hours. We'll come back from the restaurant and Meredith with take control of her brood again. You'll be _fine_."

"You're going to owe me big time," he mentioned, only half-kidding, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Lexie threw her head back and laughed, sleek hair shining in the soft twilight.

"We'll see about that."

Before Mark had a chance to say anything else, Lexie extended one finger and rang the doorbell.

After a few seconds, the door swung open, revealing Meredith. Noise was booming inside of the house. The television was blaring; there were loud, pounding footsteps and the occasional shriek. Meredith, not at all frazzled by the racket, smiled brightly and first swept Lexie then Mark into a hug.

"Hey," she greeted cheerfully, running her fingers through her hair. "Come on in, I just need to grab my purse." Lexie went to take a step across the threshold but tripped slightly on a small pair of cleats and two shin guards. Meredith noticed and sighed audibly. "Damn it, I told him to pick up his soccer stuff about five times, I'm sorry, Lex."

"It's fine," Lexie chuckled, pushing the shoes aside with her foot.

Meredith took a deep breath before hollering in a tone that only a good mother could possess, "Garrett Paul and Kailey Anna! Get your little butts down here and say hello to Aunt Lexie and Uncle Mark!"

Instantly, the two little Shepherds materialized from what seemed like out of nowhere. Garrett Paul Shepherd and Kailey Anna Shepherd stood on either side of Meredith, beaming. Every time Mark saw them, he was blown away at what attractive children they were. Genetics were good to them.

At five years old, Garrett had an unruly mane of curly dark hair, obviously inherited from his father, and eyebrows of an identical color. His skin was lighter than Derek's, the same moon-pale as Meredith's. His eyes were big and blue, completely his father's, with an air of youthful mischief to them. He wore a white cotton karate uniform, and around his waist was a belt of kelly green. There was a gap in his smile, on the bottom row, where he had recently lost his first tooth.

On Meredith's left was Kailey, who was a little girl of three. She was a tiny clone of her mother, right down to the facial structure, thin pink lips, and hair color. The only difference was her eyes, which were the same as her brother and father's. She was inherently slightly shier than Garrett, hanging just a bit closer to Meredith's leg, hugging the small stuffed tiger she took everywhere to her chest. Her hair fell to her shoulder blades, slightly disheveled, and her cheeks were stained with sticky red candy.

The kids saw Mark and Lexie and their eyes became huge with excitement. They squealed and ran to them, Garrett to Lexie and Kailey to Mark. Lexie and Mark laughed, willingly receiving the attempted tackles. After the first round of hugs and kisses, the kids switched adults, and then back again one more time. Meredith watched the four of them with a smile.

"Aunt Lexie! Uncle Mark!" Garrett cried excitedly, waving his arms. "Look what I learned today in karate!" He took a deep, deliberate stance and, eyes focused intently, chopped the air in front him.

Kailey tugged on Lexie's sleeve. "Come and see my room!" she demanded, as she always did when a visitor came, speech still somewhat affected by her young age. Mark and Lexie grinned warmheartedly at each other and the children. They really enjoyed being the favorite aunt and uncle.

In the meantime, Meredith had retrieved her purse from the other room. "No time for that, Kailey, Aunt Lexie and I have to leave for dinner." She stopped for a moment, giving her son a pointed look. "I thought I told you to change your clothes fifteen minutes ago. Go."

Garrett groaned. "But Mom-"

"_Now._"

Pouting, Garrett left the gathering and stomped up the stairs. He knew when to stand down, even though he didn't like it. He knew what was best for him.

Meredith again seemed unaffected by her victory. After all, it was a daily occurrence. "I'm glad we're going out tonight," she remarked to Lexie, digging through her bag for her cell phone. "You seemed pretty eager to make this date. Besides, I've never been to this restaurant before."

"Neither have I," Lexie replied. "But I hear it's great." Meredith nodded absentmindedly, unzipping her purse's side pocket, still in search of her phone.

"Are you feeling better?" she asked as an afterthought. "Sorry my children got you so sick." Lexie had gotten a nasty case of the flu from the little Shepherds and had been battling it for the past few days.

"So much better," Lexie said with relief, rolling her dark eyes. "I'm so glad that's over." But after there was the smallest hint of a wise smile, something that neither Mark or Meredith noticed.

"Me too," Mark concurred. "Too much holding hair back and vomit for my taste," He smirked jokingly, and Lexie punched him in the arm.

"Hey, at least she's an adult," Meredith commented, raising her eyebrows at Mark. "When Kailey had it, she could never make it to the toilet in enough time. And then Garrett had it right after her, and whenever he would throw up, it would come out both ends." She pursed her lips matter-of-factly, as if poop and puke were the plainest things ever to casually discuss.

Mark grimaced. Some things were just better left unsaid.

Meredith grunted in exasperation. "Where is my phone?" she asked nobody in particular, clawing at the contents of her purse.

Kailey put her little hands on her little hips. "On the couch," she stated proudly, smiling and sticking her chin in the air. Lexie giggled, nudging Mark. He smiled softly.

Meredith raised a single eyebrow at her daughter. "And _why_ exactly is it on the couch?" she asked, placing her own hands on her hips. Mark and Lexie each snorted at the mirror image before them.

"I was playing with it," Kailey answered plainly.

"What does Mommy say about playing with her cell phone?"

"Don't."

"So why did you?"

"I don't know."

Mark and Lexie tried to stifle their laughter at the display as Meredith rolled her eyes and went to fetch her phone. Kailey scrunched her face into a spunky grin, killing the ill feelings with cuteness.

When Meredith came back into the foyer, phone in hand, Garrett came bounding down the stairs in a very mismatched outfit. She stared at him for a moment and then shrugged. She then addressed Mark. "Okay, they'll probably be ready for dinner not long after we leave. Anything in the cabinet is good; they'll eat pretty much anything. Don't worry about giving them their baths." Mark let go a breath of air, realizing that he just caught a break. Baths were one part he was concerned about. "Also, since it's the weekend, don't worry about their bedtime. Just put on a movie and they should fall asleep. We'll be home before my husband, I'm pretty sure. Derek just let me know he got taken into surgery."

"Got it," Mark answered with a nod, hoping he was coming off more confident than he really was.

Meredith gave him a smile of gratitude, touching his arm. "Thanks, Mark," she said sincerely. "I don't know what we'd do without you here. Once the babysitter had other plans and I knew Derek was going to be working, I was stuck."

"It's no problem." The words were almost honest. Meredith turned to her children.

"Okay, Gare and Kay," she addressed them with their nicknames, "Aunt Lexie and I are going to leave now. We'll be back when you guys are asleep. Listen to Uncle Mark and be good, or else."

Mark's heart skipped a beat anxiously. The time was almost there when he would be alone with the little Shepherds. He tried to tell himself he could handle it, twice, but couldn't bring the fact totally into his brain.

"We will," Garrett and Kailey responded to their mother automatically, blue eyes taking on an equal innocent stare. Meredith kissed them each on the forehead, hugging them tightly. Mark watched, marveling at her and how she acted with them. He couldn't fathom how, five years ago, she had instantaneously become a mother the second Garrett popped out. He could remember that day like yesterday, and Kailey's birth as well. Mostly, he remembered how freaked out Derek was for both.

Kailey leaned into her mother's embrace, but Garrett tried to shrink away and wiped his forehead with his palm after Meredith stood. Mark smirked. Typical tough guy attitude.

The kids rushed for Lexie next, hugging her at the knee and waist depending on their height. She cooed their names and a goodbye, bending down to kiss the tops of their heads. Mark smiled tenderly, a warming sensation washing over him. He loved to watch Lexie with the Shepherd kids. It made him think about their possible future children, the intangible glimmers of their future. It made him forget all about his nerves for a moment. But only for a moment.

Meredith and Lexie each shouldered their bags. "Are you good?" she asked Mark, sensing his apprehension and smiling reassuringly.

"As good as I'll ever be," he replied truthfully, shrugging, following up with a nervous laugh.

"You know how to reach us," Meredith continued. "If you can't get either of us, Derek will have his phone on at the hospital." Mark nodded, seriously hoping it wouldn't come to that. "Okay, let's head out."

Lexie kissed her husband gently, a soft smile on her lips. "Good luck," she whispered, squeezing his hand, looking dreamily into his eyes.

"Bye, guys. I love you!" Meredith blew each child one final kiss before she and Lexie stepped outside. The door clicked shut behind them almost menacingly. It made the hair on the back of Mark's neck stand up. This was it. He was alone with the wolves. They were officially his responsibility for the next few hours, however long Meredith and Lexie would be out.

For a moment they stood there, two pair of shiny sea-blue eyes staring into his. Mark lost track of time, he couldn't tell if they had been frozen there for a second or a minute. He tried to reassure himself. He knew the Shepherd children; he had since they were born. They knew him too, and they liked him a lot. He could handle them for a little while by himself. How hard could it possibly be?

For another instant, Mark and the Shepherds were in a deadlock. Then, Kailey's big blues moved once again to the closed door. They widened, and her face suddenly contorted. The stuffed tiger fell to the floor as her fist went limp.

Mark cringed and froze. He knew what was coming next.

Kailey sucked in a lungful of air before she let out a loud, piercing wail, tears beginning to stream down her porcelain cheeks.

It was going to be a long night.


	2. Spoil Your Dinner

**Just a quick update, since I'm going on a trip and won't be able to work on it until Sunday. This chapter was supposed to have their dinner in it, too, but I'm just going to post this portion now. Also, this chapter contains a major reference to episode 5.12 that is indeed legitimate information. Check out the episode if you don't believe me ;)**

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is the property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC. This writing is for entertainment purposes only and is not for profit.  
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Kailey let out another impossibly loud wail, her body shuddering as she inhaled shakily. For a few seconds, Mark could only stare at the hysterical little girl before him. Huge crocodile tears feel from her eyes and her cheeks had become flushed from weeping. His heart was breaking for her, but he just didn't know what to do. The little girl howled again before coughing violently, eyes squeezing shut in pain. Mark knew he had to intervene before she made herself gag. After that, it would be all over.

He crouched down to her level, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Kailey, honey," he said in what he hoped was a soothing tone, "what's wrong?"

Kailey drew in another choppy, broken breath of air. "I want my Mommy!" she blubbered, rubbing at her eyes. She began to cry again, her tiny body shuddering with sobs.

"You want your Mommy," Mark repeated dumbly in place of an answer, mind going blank at the worst possibly moment. Kailey nodded through her tears, hot-cheeked and dry-throated. Mark had to console the poor child before she made herself sick. He bit his lip and held back an expletive; Meredith hadn't given him any warning that this would happen.

"She'll be back soon," Mark said, grasping at the only response he could come up with on the spot. But Kailey shook her head vigorously.

She continued to bawl, occasionally tossing the phrase "I want my Mommy _now_!" between her sniveling. Her face was turning splotchy and her nose was running like crazy. Mark was instantly frazzled, already reaching the end of his rope. A nervous sweat began to break out across his shoulders.

"Well, Mommy isn't here right now," he told her after another second, cringing at the screeching noises she was making. "But I am. What can I do to make you feel better?" he asked almost desperately, pushing her hair back from her face.

"I- don't- know," she coughed, tensing and drawing in on herself. Mark had to force himself not to groan.

It was then that big brother Garrett, who had been quietly watching all this time, observing Mark's methods and insecurity, decided to give a suggestion of his own. He tapped Mark on the shoulder and Mark quickly turned to look at him, keeping his hands on Kailey's shoulders.

"_I_ know what will make Kailey feel better," he announced slyly with a smirk that Mark had definitely seen before. It had adorned Derek's face every time he and Mark were about to do something sneaky in their youth. And now here it was on his son, the same half-lidded gaze and cockeyed grin.

"What?" Mark asked suspiciously, raising an eyebrow.

"A cookie." Garrett's eyes opened wide and he beamed, exposing the space where a tooth was missing. "A cookie will make Kailey stop crying."

Mark hesitated, looking between the boy and the girl for a few seconds, not entirely convinced. With a sigh, he finally gave in. "Will a cookie make you feel better, Kailey?" he asked softly, rubbing her shoulder.

Suddenly, her crying ceased and she looked up at Mark. She blinked, and a few stray tears fell from her clear blue eyes. "Chocolate chip?" she asked in a pathetic little voice, lower lip quivering. Mark felt his inner defenses crumble. There was no way he could say no to that face.

"Sure," he replied, wincing as the word came out. Kailey sniffed and nodded, tucking her chin into her shoulder.

"But wait, Kailey," Garrett chimed in again. "Won't you only feel better if your big brother gets one too?" he asked, raising his dark eyebrows at his sister. She took a bit more of a pause to think about it before nodding again.

Mark knew he was being manipulated. But he didn't have any other options. He clicked his tongue, defeated. Anything to keep Kailey from crying like that again. It had been terrifying. "Okay, go and get yourselves a cookie," he told them. The pair stared at him blankly

"The cookies are on top of the fridge," Garrett said as if Mark was thoroughly stupid for not knowing that fact. "You have to get them down for us."

Mark half-laughed at how the Shepherds had already honed in on his weaknesses. Slowly, he stood and headed for the kitchen. Garrett grinned and trotted after him. After picking up her tiger from the hardwood, Kailey followed as well.

"Now, you're _sure_ your Mommy lets you eat cookies before dinner?" Mark asked the kids in his wake after he reached to the top of the refrigerator and brought down the cookie jar.

"Absolutely," the boy replied, nodding innocently, curls bouncing with his head. But if Mark would have checked, he would have found that Garrett had his fingers crossed behind his back.

Not being able to argue, Mark went to take off the cookie jar's lid.

He couldn't remember exactly what it was at that moment (his downfall), but he could only vaguely recall some kind of joke about Meredith and Derek's cookie jar. It was a throwback to years ago even before they were married. The joke was on the cusp of his memory, just out of reach. He couldn't pull it into lucidity. Shrugging, he reached inside, and the kids' eyes lit up with excitement.

His fingers first touched something that was definitely not a cookie. "What the…?" he murmured, grasping the object. He should have recognized the item in question by touch; he had reached for one in the darkness countless times before. But it wasn't until he removed it from the jar and saw its distinct shiny, square, foil wrapper and brand name that he realized what it was.

Instantly, his eyes doubled in size. His heart pounded in his ears. Time stood still. The memory came rushing back, the joke entered the front of his mind: condoms in the cookie jar. No wonder they never let the kids get their own cookies. Meredith and Derek kept some condoms in the cookie jar.

And he had just brandished one in front of their small children.

The terror that entered him when that fact hit him was all-encompassing, crippling.

Garrett and Kailey gaped at the alien object with identical looks of confusion: heads tilted slightly to the left, eyes narrowed, mouths hanging open. Mark remained frozen. He couldn't hide it now.

"What kind of cookie is that?" Kailey asked, pointing at it.

Mark's mind raced for an explanation, an excuse, a distraction, _anything_. "It's, um," he stammered lamely, closing his eyes in concentration. "It's a cookie for adults." The lightbulb went off. "Yeah, an adult cookie. You guys aren't allowed to have them, they're not good for kids." He gave them a shrug of feigned sympathy, trying not to smirk at his cleverness.

The Shepherds looked at each other and shrugged too. Relieved, Mark quickly dropped the condom back into the container and made sure to grab a chocolate chip for each child. They snatched them from him and looked at their treat, eyes sparkling.

"Thanks, Uncle Mark!" they exclaimed in unison, smiling widely, nearly melting Mark's heart.

Garrett took a bite of his and then looked at Mark thoughtfully. "Uncle Mark?" he asked inquisitively, his mouth full, crumbs gathering in the corners of his lips.

"Hm?"

"Do you think I could try just _one bite_ of one of those cookies?" he requested with puppy-dog eyes, making a tiny gap between his tongue and index finger. "I promise I won't tell Mom."

Mark laughed. "I don't think so."

"Why?"

"Because you wouldn't like them. And you're already eating a cookie, you'll spoil your dinner."

"Aw, man."

"Sorry."


	3. Uh Oh, SpaghettiO's

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is the property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC. This writing is for entertainment purposes only and is not for profit.  
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Mark opened the Shepherds' kitchen cupboard, taking a moment to vigilantly scan the shelves for (heaven forbid) more hidden contraceptives. When he was completely sure that it contained only food, he glanced over his shoulder at Garrett and Kailey. A small smile crept across his face as he saw them sitting at the table, totally engrossed in their coloring books and crayons. They wore adorable expressions of utmost concentration as they colored; tongues poking out of their mouths and brows furrowed intensely as their crayons scribbled across the paper.

For a while he had sat and watched them, fascinated. Their advanced dexterity made it obvious that they were the offspring of two incredible surgeons. Garrett's broad strokes of color were already within the lines, and Kailey's were well on their way there. It wasn't only their coordination that almost made him crack up; it was the way they asked for different colors. Eyes never leaving their masterpieces-in-the-making, they would extend the used crayon to Mark, saying only the name of the color they wanted next.

"Black."

"Orange."

"Silver."

Mark wondered whether it was in the DNA to ask for different crayons like surgical instruments, or if it was learned from their parents. Maybe it was how Meredith and Derek requested things from each other around the house, while cooking or something. Mark's mind had gone blank as he continued to watch Garrett and Kailey work.

Kailey set down her crayon and looked up at Mark, pouting thoughtfully, blue eyes glinting. "Uncle Mark, I'm _hungry_," she whined. Garrett glanced at him as well, nodding in agreement.

"Okay, guys, we'll get dinner started," Mark said, fingering the loose knob of the pantry door. Kailey smiled before returning to her lovely picture of a dog which was, inexplicably, green.

Mark studied the cabinet's contents. SpaghettiO's. Mark raised an eyebrow, picturing the kids being covered in splotches of bright red sauce. Not a good idea, it entailed too much changing clothes and wiping off. Besides, he would end up eating whatever the kids were, and he wasn't the biggest fan.

Muesli. Mark gagged, sticking out his tongue. Obviously Derek's. He narrowed his eyes and bent over to browse a lower shelf. What else was in there?

A few cans of tuna. After a moment of silent consideration, Mark shook his head. The most he could do with tuna was open the can and slap it, plain, between two slices of bread. The kids wouldn't appreciate that. Even though their mother had very limited culinary talent, Derek could fake his way around a kitchen and make a decent meal. Garrett and Kailey probably had grown accustomed to his cooking. A plain tuna sandwich would not appease them, Mark decided.

A jar of peanut butter. Mark nodded. There was probably some jelly in the refrigerator. Peanut butter and jelly: foolproof and delicious. So simple even he could make it without massacring it. "You guys want peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?" he offered hopefully.

Garrett made a face. "We had them for lunch," he stated flatly, knotting his dark eyebrows. Mark grimaced. Of course, a Meredith meal. With a discouraged sigh, he turned back to the cabinet.

It was then that the obvious solution caught his eye, the distinguishable blue box grabbing his attention. He smirked in success; he had found the answer, the holy grail of kid-friendly food. Macaroni and cheese. Easy to prepare, and he would enjoy eating it as much as the kids. He suggested it.

"How about mac and cheese?"

Garrett and Kailey stopped coloring and glanced at each other. Then, they both looked at Mark, unimpressed, and back at one another conspiratorially. After a second, with no exchange of words, the boy addressed Mark. Nose in the air, he said in a voice that had it not been so young could have been described as pompous, "We want SpaghettiO's."

Mark blinked. He could see it already, the mess, all over the kitchen. "There aren't any in there," he lied, gesturing to the cabinet with a shrug.

Kailey shook her little head, dark blonde hair dancing across her face. "Yes there are," she challenged.

"No, there aren't."

"Yes there are," she sing-songed, pursing her lips, frustrated because Mark just wasn't getting it. "Mommy bought them at the store. _Today_." She nodded. "We were there," she added for effect, shoving her tongue out at him.

Mark fought back another sigh, scratching at the back of his neck. "Come on, guys…" he began, voice trailing off at the end, hoping it didn't sound too much like a plea.

"We want SpaghettiO's!" Garrett cried abruptly, his voice hardening into something defiant and harsh. Mark winced. The boy repeated himself twice before Kailey joined in.

Their rhythmic chant of "we want SpaghettiO's" reverberated loudly through the kitchen, bouncing off the walls, accented by the pounding of four petite crayoned fists against the tabletop.

Mark felt helplessness and panic prickling at the back of his neck. He was backed into a corner one again. The Shepherds glared at him, halting their mantra to wait for some sort of reaction from him. He wondered how Lexie would respond to this situation. Somehow, she would have her niece and nephew quiet and eating macaroni and cheese in an instant. It was like she knew exactly what to say to kids and how to say it to make them do exactly what she wanted them to do.

She was wonderful with kids. Mark, though, still hadn't found this talent.

"Fine," he finally gave in with a drawn-out breath. "Spaghetti O's it is." He reached for the shelf and pulled down two cans, knowing immediately that he would regret this very soon.

Garrett and Kailey grinned at each other, satisfied and smug. Then, they immersed themselves in the world of green dogs and bright colors again.

Grumbling to himself, Mark opened the first can and dumped its contents into a bowl, recoiling at the fact that the pasta had taken the shape of the can. He smashed it down with a fork and manned the microwave. Behind him, the kids were humming a song he didn't recognize. After the first batch of SpaghettiO's were heated up and ready to eat, he removed the bowl from the microwave and began preparing the second.

Suddenly, he heard a gasp from behind him. "_Uncle Mark_!" Mark heard Kailey screech. Startled, he jumped and turned, terrified that something horrible had happened to her.

But he turned too quickly and the bowl flew from his hands and fell on the floor in front of his feet. "_Shit_!" he exclaimed, scooting backward in the nick of time to avoid the splatter, bright red sauce and ringlet noodles flying everywhere as they hit the linoleum. The spillage didn't register, however, for he was too preoccupied with whatever happened to her. "What, Kailey?!" he asked urgently, blue eyes wide with apprehension.

Kailey and her brother looked down at the SpaghettiO-covered floor. "What?" he asked again, swallowing hard.

"I just wanted to show you my picture," Kailey half-whispered, averting her gaze, holding up the paper with the grass-colored canine. "It's finished."

Mark allowed his head to tip back, forcing himself to breathe deeply. "It's beautiful," he stated in a hoarse voice, rubbing his face with one hand as he leaned back against the counter. Then, he reached for a towel and, bending over slowly and stiffly, began mopping the food up from the floor.

Kailey giggled, then, a light sound that would have been adorable under any other circumstance. Mark ignored it, focusing on the SpaghettiO cleanup. The noise came again, followed by a loud snort from Garrett.

"Shit," whispered Garrett before they erupted into laughter, muted by hands clamped to their lips.

"Shit," Kailey piped up in a gleeful voice. Mark's ears perked up before he felt the color drain from his face. Great. Now they had picked up on his language. A single slip and they were all over it.

"_Shit shit shit_, _shit-shit,_" Garrett sang in an upbeat tone, smiling proudly, swaying back and forth in his seat. Kailey loved it, laughing from her belly. Mark stood and did his best to take an assertive stance.

"Stop saying that," he demanded, pointing at them. The Shepherds bit their lips to avoid cackling.

"Shit," the boy murmured from the corner of his mouth, blue eyes glowing. Mark glowered at him.

"If you say it again-" He stopped in mid-sentence, mouth hanging open, honestly having no clue what he would do if either uttered the expletive again. He finally settled on, "Then you'll be sorry."

"We'll stop," Garrett said, looking up at the ceiling, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "if you give us each another cookie." Kailey smirked, squinting her eyes at Mark.

"No. No way," he told them, shaking his head, steadfast. Garrett raised both eyebrows. "I'm not going to give in this time." The boy shrugged and took a long, deep breath.

But all he could get out was, "Sh-" before Mark interrupted him with a rapid, stumbling phrase.

"You can have cookies only if you promise not to tell your Mommy and Daddy that you heard that word from me." Mark cringed as soon as the words left his mouth. He couldn't believe how submissive the Shepherds had already made him.

"We promise," they answered. That compromise was good enough for them. Besides, they were getting cookies out of the deal.

Sighing for the millionth time, Mark reached for the cookie jar again. This time, the kids wanted oatmeal raisin. He gave one to each.

They happily ate their cookies and did not speak the naughty word for the rest of the night.

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Mark set down a bowl of SpaghettiO's in front of each child before plopping heavily into a chair on the other side of the table, poking at his own portion with a spoon. Garrett and Kailey inhaled the lovely aroma of the pasta before digging in, shoveling spoonfuls into their mouths like it was going out of style. For a few good minutes, the only noise in the kitchen was the children scarfing down their food.

Mark watched them briefly before scooping some onto his own spoon and raising it to his lips. As he tasted the SpaghettiO's, he was pleasantly surprised. They weren't as bad as they seemed. He ate another mouthful, and then another. When his third was in his mouth, Kailey glanced at him inquisitively.

"Uncle Mark?"

"Yes?" he answered cheerfully, mouth full.

"Where do babies come from? Mommy wouldn't tell me today."

Mark choked.

Coughing violently, he reached for the glass of water in front of him. After he swallowed some and was able to breathe, he raised his eyebrows at Kailey in utter disbelief. "_What_?"

Garrett clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Come on, Kailey," he said. "Babies come from the stork. You know, he brings them to the parents." His little sister listened, enthralled. He looked at Mark, eyes locking. "I know it's true, my dad _said_," he told both of them, nodding slowly; he stressed the end to imply that Derek's word was supreme. Kailey returned to her food, easily convinced.

Relieved, Mark couldn't help but laugh hysterically, laying down his spoon and resting his forehead in his hands. The kids looked at him like he was crazy.

They finished their meal. Miraculously, not a drop of sauce got on their clothes.

Ironically enough, Mark's was the only spill during dinnertime.


	4. Best Two Out of Three

**Hey, this story's not dead! It just took a little pushing to get it out. Actually, we're coming pretty close to the end of it here...I expect another chapter or two.  
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Garrett scooped the last of his SpaghettiO's into his mouth and set down his spoon. Then, cerulean eyes shining and mouth overflowing, he declared, "Let's play a video game!"

Mark blinked at him, standing up and retrieving the kids' bowls. Placing them in the sink, he shrugged. It was an easy enough request. "Sure," he agreed. Quickly, he added, "As long as you're allowed."

"Oh, yeah!" Garrett replied, nodding, sending dark curls bouncing in the air. "Daddy always plays video games with us after dinner, right, Kailey?" Kailey looked at Mark and smiled in affirmation. Mark narrowed his eyes at the Shepherds. They seemed to be honest this time around. There was no devilish cunning on them that he could see, only eagerness.

"Okay," Mark decided, smirking at the happiness that shone on their young faces. God, it really _was_ fulfilling. The kids scooted off of their chairs and scampered into the living room. Mark followed behind them.

By the time he entered the room, Garrett was already elbows-deep in technology, hooking the game console up to the television. Mark raised an eyebrow and shook his head; when he was their age, he wouldn't have been able to set something like that up. Maybe it was the times, or maybe (and more probably) they were just very intelligent. Smart kids, surgeons' offspring. Watching them made him want to laugh.

He plopped down on the sofa next to Kailey. She was situated with her tiger in her lap. "Are you going to play?" Mark asked. Kailey shook her head. "How come?"

"I like to watch," the little girl answered with a shrug of her tiny shoulders.

"Done!" Garrett exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. Grinning with pride and excitement, exposing that gap in his smile, he flipped the console on and handed Mark a controller. Mark looked at all of the buttons and suddenly felt like an idiot. There were a ton – big ones, small ones, different colored ones. What happened to the damn Atari, he wondered. He would have to figure it out as he went along.

"What are we playing?"

"A racing game," Garrett told him, focused on the television as the game menu came up. He rapidly pressed buttons on his controller, so quickly that Mark couldn't even tell what he'd done. A new screen, a split-screen, appeared: a group of cars on a nighttime city street, illuminated by neon signs and street laps. A countdown began from ten.

"Wait," Mark said, "which one am I?" His heart was pounding. The loud, fast-tempo music in the background of the game was getting to him. It was kind of exhilarating. He hadn't played a video game like this since probably med school, with Derek. And they were nothing like this one, with amazing graphics that looked totally real. He remembered when the cars looked almost like colored blocks. He felt like an old man.

"The top one." The boy's voice was monotone at that point. He was in the zone.

The countdown reached zero, and Mark somehow figured out how to make his car go. He stared at the top half of the screen, concentrating pretty hard. It was time to make a right turn, so he fumbled with the controller, thumbing the joystick to the right. It worked; the car turned. He was winning so far. He hadn't lost it at all. He held back an arrogant smirk only after he remembered that he was playing against a five-year-old. That deflated his ego more quickly than a pin into a balloon.

About a lap and a half into the race, Mark glanced at Garrett. His dark eyebrows were furrowed with determination, and his tongue was pressed into his cheek. Mark's eyes wandered to the lower section of the screen, noticing that the car depicted on that half was stuck against a lamppost. Maybe Garrett unfortunately inherited his video game prowess from his father (Mark kicked his ass routinely at _Super Mario Brothers_). Even though he was enjoying winning, he couldn't make the kid feel bad; he decided to slow down and hopefully let Garrett catch up.

He pressed the red button, under the assumption that it would cause his car to decelerate. But nothing happened on the screen. The car was still speeding along, maneuvering expertly around bends and through tunnels. He quirked an eyebrow. That was weird. He probably pressed the wrong button. There was a sharp left turn coming up, and Mark's thumb slipped, missing the joystick. But, the car still made a perfect hard left. Now that was _really_ weird. He tapped the joystick to the right, just to test it, but the car stayed straight on its path.

"Hey," he said, confused, "why isn't my car doing what it's supposed to?"

No answer came besides some tiny giggles from Kailey. It was a tinkling and squeaky noise, as if she was trying to conceal a secret. She couldn't; her giggles grew into a full laugh after a moment. "Okay, what's going on?" Mark asked, vaguely annoyed, setting down the controller altogether (the car kept on moving) and looking between the two of them. Garrett was biting his lower lip, eyes large, a strained look coming over his face. He was holding back hysterical laughter as well. His whole body was shaking with it.

"Garrett lied!" Kailey's voice exploded, laden with mirth. "_He's_ the car on the top! You're on the bottom!" She beamed, proud of herself. Garrett had just crossed the finish line before he turned and scowled at her.

"Tattletale!" he accused angrily. The little girl took on a very offended expression and then glared right back at him. Her sea-blue eyes shouldn't have been able to hold such a terrifying glint. It was completely Meredith's, and it scared even Mark. He clenched his jaw and scratched the back of his neck. A fight was obviously impending here, and it would escalate into a bad one. Mark didn't want to have to explain to Meredith and Derek how one of their children had gotten bite marks, a black eye, or a lump on their head under his watch.

"Guys," Mark interrupted them hesitantly. "Take it easy, okay?" He swallowed. That was totally lame and would not fix anything. But, he watched in amazement as their faces slowly transformed back into normal contentment.

He must have done something right.

Garrett was looking at him, then, with a sad look in his eyes. He stood and walked over to Mark, toes dragging against the carpet with every step. "I'm sorry, Uncle Mark," he said. Apparently, Meredith and Derek did something right too. "I shouldn't have lied. It was a trick, and I'm sorry." It was a real apology. Mark could tell by the way his lips were slightly pulled down at the corners and how his forehead was wrinkled. This was getting both repetitive and freaky – it was Derek's guilty-and-regretful expression.

"It's alright, bud," Mark told him, placing a hand on his shoulder, feeling another damn part of his heart melting.

"Yeah," Kailey chimed in. "We were just having fun."

"I know. But, do you know what this means now," Mark continued, a smirk crawling across his face, "you little punks?" A tiny smile flashed across Garrett's mouth at the word.

"What?"

Garrett and Kailey were both grinning now. Back to normal. Mark was relieved. For a minute, he thought he had broken them.

"Best two out of three."

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After the second race (Garrett still won, even when Mark had full knowledge of how to play), Garrett set down his controller and scrambled to his feet, having just remembered something he wanted to do.

"Hey, Uncle Mark," he spoke in a chipper voice, "watch how high I can kick!"

In that moment and that moment only, Mark could see a flash of the future. It was not good. Not good at all. The color drained from his face. His blood ran cold and the bottom of his stomach dropped out, he tried to raise a protest, but nothing came from his mouth.

He watched in slow motion as Garrett placed his right foot behind him and shifted his weight to it. Then, he moved it forward again, bringing his knee into the air. Mark reached out with one hand, desperate to speak.

But it was too late. The only noise he could get out was the first syllable of Garrett's name before his little body jackknifed when his knee was halfway into the air. Then, horrifyingly, it connected with his nose in an explosion of blood and snot. Mark cringed quite hard when it made contact, placing a hand on his forehead. Seeming like it came from very far away, he heard Kailey exclaim, "Ew!"

Garrett stood there, stunned, very still, for a split second. Then, he brought up a hand to touch his nose.

When he pulled it back and saw there was blood and the pain hit him, the howl he let out could have broken the sound barrier.

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Mark bounded around the corner, carrying a still-bawling Garrett on his hip. He forgot where the bathroom was for an instant (he never forgot anything while he was in surgery!) and opened a door halfway only to slam it closed when he realized it was a broom closet.

He managed to find the right room, finally, and flipped the lights on and placed Garrett on the sink counter. There was blood all over the front of the boy's shirt, and, when he glanced at his own shoulder, there was a stain there as well. But that was the least of his worries.

"It's okay, Garrett," he tried to console him over the unintelligible cries and whimpers. He opened the cabinet and fumbled around for the gauze. Judging by the sounds that were coming from him, the kid either really scared himself or really hurt himself. Or both. The worst-case scenario, a broken nose, played over and over in Mark's head. It would be on him. He subconsciously mapped out the quickest route to the hospital to take him to Derek.

Finally coming across a first-aid kid, Mark unrolled the gauze he found. "Okay, Garrett," he said. "I know you're scared and it hurts, but I need you to listen to me, okay? Can you do that?" Garrett nodded, inhaling shakily through his mouth, coughing. Mark winced, that would only make matters worse. "Lean forward, Garrett," he instructed. He did. "Tilt your head forward. Yeah, that's it, good." Mark pinched his nose with the gauze. He wasn't screaming with pain because of the pressure. That was a good sign. Maybe it wasn't broken after all.

Mark held the gauze there for a few minutes, holding his breath. Garrett's blubbering cries were quieting to shuddering breaths. After an adequate time, Mark slowly removed his hand and the blood-soaked gauze from Garrett's nose. The bleeding had stopped, and most of the blood was dried just beneath it. "That's good," Mark breathed. "I just need to touch your nose to make sure it's okay."

Mark palpated the sides of the little boy's nose, and it felt fine. Nothing shifted, nothing crooked, nothing out of place. Relief flooded over him, compromising his system for a moment. Garrett inhaled cautiously through his nose, and everything was okay. "Better, buddy?" Mark asked, smiling weakly.

"Yeah."

"Still hurt?"

A bit more hesitation. "Yeah."

"We can help that with an ice pack," Mark promised, reaching into the first-aid kit and pulling out a shakable ice pack. "Unless, Karate Kid, you want me to get you a steak to hold on it. A nice piece of meat."

Garrett laughed, and Mark had to grin. He wrapped the ice pack in a towel and handed it to the boy. Then, he lifted him down from the counter and very carefully pulled Garrett's shirt over his head. "Let's see if we can get some of the blood out of this." He turned on the cold water and held the shirt under the faucet. He patted Garrett on the back and the boy walked out of the bathroom.

That was when Kailey cleared her throat and made her presence in the doorway known. Mark glanced at her, distracted. "What's up, Kailey?" he asked, looking back at the shirt.

"I have to go potty," she replied matter-of-factly.

"So go ahead." Kailey pouted at him.

"She needs your help!" Garrett called from the other room.

"Oh," Mark said, not entirely surprised or pleased. That was the last duty he wanted in on. "Okay, Kailey, hang on for just a second." He tried to rub some more of the blood out, but it wasn't working very well.

"Uncle Mark," the girl said again, more firmly. "I need to go potty _now_."

"Okay, just a second," he repeated, scrubbing more forcefully. The stain was stubborn. Screw it, he thought, and turned the water off. Meredith would have to figure it out later. He turned to Kailey. "Alright, let's do this," he told her, stretching his arms above his head.

But she was just looking up at him with a blank expression, lips parted very slightly. Mark's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. After another second of staring, she said, "Never mind."

Mark's jaw dropped and his eyes widened. There was no way this could be happening. Not to him, no way. There was no way the little girl could have just wet herself.

The his bewildered expression melted into one of defeat when he realized that not only could but _would_ happen to him, and that yes, it just did. He sighed deeply. "Come on," he tried not to groan, rubbing and stretching the back of his neck, "let's get you changed."

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After changing Kailey into clean pajamas, she and Mark traveled down the stairs. Mark had in one hand Garrett's shirt and her old clothes and, in the other, pajamas for Garrett. She was a few steps in front of him, and, hitting the floor first, she noticed something her brother was doing in the living room. Her eyes lit up and she bolted to join him. Mark wondered what kind of trouble he was getting himself into. He had to get in there fast.

He dropped the bloody and yucky clothes down the laundry chute before heading into the living room to see just what the little Shepherds were up to. Garrett and Kailey were lying prone on the carpet, playing with what looked like Mark's wallet. Was definitely his wallet. Mark patted the back pocket of his pants stupidly since that was definitely it on the floor. It must have fallen out of his pocket while he was sitting on the couch.

His credit cards and drivers' license were scattered about on the floor around the kids. He groaned. "Guys," he said, "what are you doing with my wallet?"

In place of an answer, Garrett held up a twenty dollar bill. "This was all that was in there," he said incredulously, as if the thought was absurd. Mark just hadn't had the chance to go to the bank lately.

"Well, uh, yeah," Mark answered dumbly, shrugging. The children's eyes widened even more in surprise at the revelation.

"That's weird," Kailey determined. Mark raised an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah," Garrett agreed. "Daddy always has more money than that. That's because he's the _chief of surgery_," he declared, pronouncing Derek's title as if he was some kind of deity. Mark's jaw dropped again in a disbelieving expression of his own.

"So does Mommy!" Kailey exclaimed. "Because she's a neurosurgery attending." Her replacement of r's with w's created the very funny word of "neuwosuwgewy."

"Neurosurgery, Kailey," Garrett corrected her, almost personally insulted, enunciating his r's clearly. She rolled her eyes at him. Mark was still speechless. "We hear Daddy teasing you about this all the time," the boy addressed him. It was true, Derek did tease him. With good intentions, though, kidding. It rubbed off on the kids pretty well, though.

"Ha ha," Mark laughed dryly. "very funny. Just get changed, you." He tossed the pajamas to Garrett. "And give me back my wallet, please."

They did as they were told; they snickered while they did it, but they still _did_ it.


End file.
